Handsome? I don't know about that but life's often rather strange. I believe there's someone for everyone out there and I've little sympathy for grown men who think all women are nasty and cruel to them because they can be rather than because you're really just a cunt, Dave. The other problem is the roundy factor: some girls/slags like their men beefy and round, others like them tall, dark, and actually handsome.
But being roundy eliminates any chance of
ever being found 'handsome'.
If I were you I'd set my sights very much lower and try for the low-hanging fruits. Like your gut, they're easy to grab onto.
Slim and handsome men like me don't really go for the fatties, plumpers, or slobs.
Slags are also out of the question, as is paying for it - just ask Jambo.
Perhaps if you were to join a gym? You don't have to do anything if you don't want to. Just having the membership card in your wallet might be enough to convince her that you're not really a fat bastard
per se: it's that you're '
big-boned '. Tell her your muscle mass often gets cold in the damp misery of grim rural Ireland, so you grew a layer of fat over the muscle to keep yourself warm when out battling the battering rain and winds coming in off the Atlantic.
Also, there's the issue of your face. And your entire head for that matter. Men who have rat-like features like yours were actually really happy about Covid19. They bought up on masks like there was no tomorrow: every colour, every design - that way you can pick a mask that sets off whatever costume you picked for the evening. You even got to laugh out loud without anyone even seeing your rat-like teeth behind the mask. The only thing worse than having rat-like teeth is having oral herpes as well, just like in the first photo of you sitting at a table (for twelve) by yourself. You have your finger over the offending virus, no? You thought I wouldn't notice it, yes? Now you're all mortified, isn't it? Wasn't it?
Where are the rest of the guests? Were you invited but not your wifey? Was someone at the party knowledgeable about her past indulgences on the local club scene? Or was she in her flowers that night? How come nobody else is at your table? Or was that a deliberate attempt at reminding you that you're too ugly to be invited to go to the shops and get me the papers, get me the papers.
Are you talking to Val, Declan, Dave, or that big fat elephant over in the corner?
www.sarsfieldsvirtualpub.com
