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Culchies

Molly is probably still better-looking than most of the heifers you'd find up in Cavan on a night out.

Maybe that's why Cavanmen drink all the time.
 
I reckon Val had drank more pints than there are counties in Ireland before filming this.

Seventeen pints of home-brewed moonshine fed to a massive ego like Val's has the potential to explode and drench the entire country in slurry.

They're even asking him to run for Cavan.

Culchies, eh.
 
And running for Kingscourt Co Cavan we have Val Martin sporting a tricky combination of flannel shirt with polyester tie, under a roundy necked jumper and peaked cap. Although he's missing a few front teeth (as a result of knocking them out with a spanner while under a tractor) he wears the vital elements of the traditional culchie like he was born in them. Which might well be the case given his loathing of soap and warm water.



He's currently courting 4.59 subscribers with his 836 videos which have received 597,372 replies since October 1st 2011.

One assumes most of them dress in similiar attire to Val's and are likely missing as many (if not more) front teeth with zero intention of ever visiting a dentist. Culchies are like that: they'd rather walk down the high street giving the finger to any and every dentist's surgery than pay a dentist to fix their faces. They likely consider this a 'win/win' situation: 'I might be missin' a few aul' teeth alright there now, but sure I won't be paying a scab like you to fix me up. H'wan now.'

Seriously though: the tie?

What the fuck was he thinking?
 
Val hasn't done a video in three days, so you just KNOW he's been suspended again.

He knows what the bad words are, but he can't help himself when he's all full of himself and thinking he's a star, an online philosopher and farmer - with cows.

What does that bit mean: 'with cows'?

Could be be without cows?

I'm eternally and totally without any cows at all.

But he's 'with' his.

 
Old Thicko's back - claiming his hiatus was down to a broken phone rather than the 72hr ban he actually got - courtesy of The Mowl.

Thicko is claiming that there aren't any video recorders that you can pause while filming.

First off, videos of the nature Val suggests would begin at the beginning and not stop recording until the tape is either full or the battery runs out. It can't be paused or stopped for that reason.

Can someone please tell him what a thick fucking cunt he is?

 
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