News From Finland (The World's Happiest Country)

[Mowl]

Made in Finland. The world’s largest cruise ship, Royal Caribbean International’s 'Icon of the Seas' departed the Meyer Turku shipyard on June 19th, for the first time. The 250,800 gross ton cruise ship is expected to stay at sea for up to a week on its first sea trials.



Built in Turku, the former capital of Finland, this vessel shows you why the Finns are so happy in their work. I've visited this dock where the ship was built a few years back when they were still creating the hull, not a cabin or steering wheel built as yet. In Helsinki we have another ship-building dock at the eastern port. Many ships have been built there over the years and I know some of the crews who fitted the cabins. The sea and the water in general is very dear to the heart of Finnish culture and lifestyle. Our little wooden cabins built on the many thousands of lakes in Finland are presently bustling with Finns who leave the city as soon as summer begins to stay out in the wilds near the water where they can swim and fish for supper. It's a wonderful lifestyle.

But Finns are also very slow to boast or brag - it's considered the height of rudeness to yap on about your money or successes, which is why I'm telling you about this behemoth of a ship. One that dwarfs the Titanic several times over. Finnish workmanship: some of the world's finest.

 

[David]

Finland has such pristine wilderness and beautiful modern architecture. I'd say building codes are fairly strict up there as well, aka. gombeen developers can't just throw up anything for a few bucks like they do in Ireland's corrupt, brown envelope ridden system under FFG.

I remember reading something a while back about Finland developing an underground network of water streams under cities in order to pipe cool air up into buildings during the summer months. An impressive, and actual useful feat of engineering. Back home a new "motorway" was just opened in Mayo, a county with an overall population smaller than that of Blanchardstown. That's Parish Pump Politics in action for you. No doubt farmers were rewarded with "a few million" for the acre or two of grazing land they were made to hand over....all so people could knock 10 minutes off of their journeys from Ballina to Castlebar. In Ireland it's all about farmers and developers - the darlings of FFG. Meanwhile the average Irish taxpayer gets screwed as always by having to fund such useless examples of infrastructure.

 

[Mowl]

In wintertime, the waste water above a few degrees from all blocks is leveled off and instead piped back into pipes beneath the footpaths of the main streets to melt the snow in the depths of winter. It's not unusual to be able to walk down one side of the street on bone dry concrete while the other half is knee deep in snow.

Nothing is wasted up here, that's why we have five different trash bins in our garbage hall and our waste water put to its best use before being treated and sent back out through the cleansing system. There's NO flouride in our water - that's just you sad bastards letting the state nanny you. Get the fuck off your arses and do something about Ireland, you lazy cunts.

There's a reason why I'm so happy - in the happiest country in the world.

And you'll never know why.

Hurts, doesn't it?

 

[Lumpy Von Talbot]

I could never live in Ireland again.

 

[Mowl]

I could never live in Ireland again.

There's probably a few outstanding warrants with my name on too.

Never take the Irish state seriously; she'll only ever break your heart.

 

[David]

You'd have to wonder if the Russo-Finnish border is one of the most heavily militarised in the whole of Europe? I'd say there are a lot of contingency plans in place too. One call from Helsinki government central to detonate a bridge and the army has it done and dusted within the space of minutes. Still, sharing such a long border with the world's no.2 military has to be nerve-racking to some extent..

If NATO ever did get involved in a war involving a potential Russian invasion of Finland then I'd imagine much, if not most of the fighting would initially take place on the high seas, aka. the US Navy would chose to engage with Russia's fleet before considering a land-based invasion in order to establish a beachhead. I'd certainly hate to think Helsinki's beautiful architecture would be a casualty of say heavy naval bombardment.

 

[Mowl]

You'd have to wonder if the Russo-Finnish border is one of the most heavily militarised in the whole of Europe?

Most of the 1300km border doesn't even have a fence. Nearby fences along the eastern border are there to stop the moose and deer spilling out onto the national roads, but they're nothing to do with national security. I stayed in a family home in Simpele many times, and the room I had overlooked the rusty fencing at the far end of the garden. I reached in and picked some flowers for the dinner table, and wondered about Finnish/Russian history and the tensions that still exist, even if a lot of the line that separates us is unmanned, un-fenced, and is nothing like the Berlin Wall for example.

I'd say there are a lot of contingency plans in place too. One call from Helsinki government central to detonate a bridge and the army has it done and dusted within the space of minutes. Still, sharing such a long border with the world's no.2 military has to be nerve-racking to some extent..

It's not really something we worry about, even residents of the eastern front appear fairly relaxed about things.

But today and going forward? The NATO issue will cause some activities along the line, but Finland won't do anything without first stating our intent beforehand - anything less would be classed as antagonizing an already sore spot.

But in general, Finnish people don't focus on it.

If NATO ever did get involved in a war involving a potential Russian invasion of Finland then I'd imagine much, if not most of the fighting would initially take place on the high seas, aka. the US Navy would chose to engage with Russia's fleet before considering a land-based invasion in order to establish a beachhead. I'd certainly hate to think Helsinki's beautiful architecture would be a casualty of say heavy naval bombardment.

Well, the Finns are extremely wily: take Uspenski Cathedral? I managed the presidential suite of the bomb shelter built beneath the church which stands on a high rock that's the first thing people see when sailing into the western port. The Finns decided to explode down into the bedrock beneath the cathedral because they figured out rather obviously that the Russians would never bomb their own church, so the presidential shelter was created for maximum security for the elders of the nation.

There's a lot of Russian style architecture all across Helsinki, but not only did the Finns build the shelter beneath the rock, they also commissioned Alvar Aalto to design a civic building which stands right in front of the cathedral as you sail into the eastern port. The Finns are wily, not confrontational - not unless you get right up into their faces, at which point the rule book is flung away and they'll fight until they drop. Finnish sisu - it's not a myth - it's a necessary lifestyle. And if you don't have the grit to endure over the long haul, then you won't last up here for very long.

So any invasion already has contingencies: the Finns can muster tens of thousands of trained soldiers in a few hours as every cadet and soldier have their kit boxes under their bed or else in the shed. You can't throw it away, it's numbered, serialized, it contains everything a soldier needs including a full round bullets, which aren't stored in a soldier's kit box, but rather elsewhere for securities sake. Nobody wants their kid playing with live ammunition.

Today it's 25 in the city and the skies are blue.

It's hard to imagine anything upsetting the current tranquility, but as I told the Shitstick and her idiot boyfriend Jambo: it'll be a matter of weeks or months before Ireland starts in on the NATO issue. The oair of them swore blind for weeks on end that impending doom was just around the corner. As usual, they were wrong, hysterical, bitching, and foaming at the mouth because they don't understand Finland well enough to come to any conclusions about us, they simply hate the Mowl. That's why they want an invasion. To know that I'm dead. And exactly like I said it would be, Ireland's having to be dragged by the nose-ring into the NATO debate. It'll go on and on, but eventually Ireland will apply - it's what she always does: wait for someone else to do it and then study their moves so they can augmented into the mix later on, even though the decisions were already made in private.

Then made public - after the fact.

That's Ireland in a nutshell.

She'll never learn to stand on her own two feet and treat her family with respect.

She's not a democracy.

She's a business.

 

[David]

Life in America from a Finnish woman's perspective.

The Nordic Theory of Everything - Anu Partanen

The Nordic Theory of Everything In Search of a Better Life by Anu Partanen “A passionate and intelligent argument.” —Publisher’s Weekly “Highly readable and entertaining.” —Library Journal “A wonderful, hopeful book.” —Robert Reich “A game-changer.” —The Seattle Times “Partanen rips up the...

www.anupartanen.com

 

[Mowl]

Wouldn't be surprised to read that she's just been found dead in her basement in the next few months.

Nobody wants to follow the Nordic route to creating a happy and healthy country for their citizens. They want the people to be permanently stressed out so that their heads are constantly spinning and can't focus on much else than the next cheeseburger and fries. Stress is normal in any country and its administration of services, but in some countries it's designed and set up to ensure you never get a moment's peace from worry and fear about the near future.

Living paycheck to paycheck while working for some faceless other is a lifestyle choice many choose. Those who don't follow that model have to forge a path of their own. Like Anu Partenen here as a writer - or me as an extra-curricular teacher and therapist. And writer. Some societies make it very difficult for the self-employed while others, like Finland, encourage it and offer safeguards to help you through the initial stages and any other bleak periods that might arrive. I was self-employed in Ireland. It was a fucking horror show dealing with the tax offices and insurance companies - everyone with a sharpened spoon in hand gouging out the pound of flesh. So when I found another country which actually cared about her people, I took my chances.

Haven't looked back since, at least not for any other reason than to poke at Ireland - from a safe distance.

 

[odanny]

Life in America from a Finnish woman's perspective.

The Nordic Theory of Everything - Anu Partanen

The Nordic Theory of Everything In Search of a Better Life by Anu Partanen “A passionate and intelligent argument.” —Publisher’s Weekly “Highly readable and entertaining.” —Library Journal “A wonderful, hopeful book.” —Robert Reich “A game-changer.” —The Seattle Times “Partanen rips up the...

www.anupartanen.com

That looks like an interesting book, I'm tempted to purchase it. Living in Finland and being outside in the winter months is good for ones body and overall health, cold exposure has show medical benefits in study after study, and of course you have Wim Hof to remind us all of that, but the attitude towards cold weather in Finland compared to the U.S. is likely only similar in a few states, the upper N.E. of Maine and Vermont, probably, and Midwestern states like Wisconsin and Minnesota, and I'm guessing that the enthusiasm wanes year over year in the U.S. as we have all become lazier and more dependent on modern day convenience.

 

[odanny]

Stockholm Sweden: the one Scandinavian city I would NEVER consider living in.

I don't understand the Swedes, they've dug themselves quite a hole to climb out of.

They had it all, then got so used to it they decided everyone can have some, and look at them now?

They did the same thing in Minnesota, which has its ancestral roots in places like Sweden, someone decided to import large numbers of Somali's into Minneapolis, a Muslim culture rooted in the desert headed to a largely white and often cold and snowy place, and one wonders, what on earth were they thinking? When you bring in such a dissimlar culture to your community, it's foolish to think they would assimilate into yours, they will create their own, and this will lead to feelings of disenfranchisement amongst both communities, and the inevitable clash is always close behind.

 

[Mowl]

They did the same thing in Minnesota, which has its ancestral roots in places like Sweden, someone decided to import large numbers of Somali's into Minneapolis, a Muslim culture rooted in the desert headed to a largely white and often cold and snowy place, and one wonders, what on earth were they thinking? When you bring in such a dissimlar culture to your community, it's foolish to think they would assimilate into yours, they will create their own, and this will lead to feelings of disenfranchisement amongst both communities, and the inevitable clash is always close behind.

It can get very nasty. I worked as a 'cultural coordinator' at one of Helsinki's language schools which all immigrants are obliged to take part in. The Muslims were a nightmare, all day every day, it never stopped. And it occurred to me that, these fuckers aren't confused, they aren't lost either, they do this shit deliberately, all day every day. After trying diplomacy as much as I could, I took things into my own hands: instead of asking them not to make sellotape arrows pointing to Mecca on the floors of the corridors, I just took them up and dumped them.

Trying to explain to them why washing your feet before prayer in the kitchen sink is also unacceptable. Or washing their lunch utensils in the ladie's/gent's also isn't on. Or wearing a hearing device under the burka in class, their phones tuned to Skype throughout the day. Hidden away and them muttering into it. The smell of their foods. The smell of their clothes in the heat of summer. The constant interruptions as the classroom Imam would object to this and that as 'inappropriate' to their beliefs. Standing up and walking out of class to take a Skype call. Deciding to use the toilet for the fifth time in hour, no asking permission either. The cars all piled up stopping regular traffic come end of the day. The mess they leave behind, the opening of all the windows so the air was fresh in the morning. Then having to close them all again. The bikes piled up in a heap by the school doors. The gangs of family members hanging around outside for hours at a time. Nothing doing either. Constantly late, disrupting the class, religious arguments, political arguments, Turks screaming at Syrians. Everyone shouting at once as soon as another barney kicked off.

And worst of all - the complete absence of any interest in learning the language.

it's not that they're confused by it - it's that they don't care, no a bit.

They think that learning to speak will mean they'll be put to work - which they will, so they fail all the time - deliberately.

I lasted five out of six months, then quit.

It's no different today, mind you, but there are ways to put them to work anyway - you don't need to speak Finnish to wash the tram, metro, and bus floors. Nor for garbage collection. Or civic works within the city tending courtyards and green areas. Or tapping up groceries at a till in a supermarket. So the ones who want to achieve will achieve and get to make choices of their own. With the State's assistance. Those who refuse, get to scrub. It's a fair deal. Take it or leave it, it's their own call.

That said, I went a Catholic School: De La Salle - twelve years. Right up to Leaving Certificate.

I saw far worse there in my childhood than I ever saw in the Finnish migrant education and assimilation more recently.

Irish priests are about the lowest life form I've come across in all my travels.

Simple fact.

 

[odanny]

There is one Scandanavian country that got it right, I think it is Denmark, they laid down some ground rules to living in their country, which ALL countries should do with immigrants. You can't claim asylum in many parts of the world, outside of Western countries, and in many countries, proof of income and no criminal record will not allow you to become a citizen, and you mist still get your Visa renewed every three months. Slip up and you get a one way ticket out of the country.

 

[Mowl]

There is one Scandanavian country that got it right, I think it is Denmark, they laid down some ground rules to living in their country, which ALL countries should do with immigrants.

We have a very tight system here in Finland too. The obligations are given to them as soon as they arrive and everyone gets the same treatment regardless of their beliefs or previous traditions. This is Finland, we have our own traditions and if you wish to partake in Finnish life, then get used to things like basic rules for most activities. They're terrified of the sauna, that's one thing that's 100% persistent across the various Middle-Eastern types in particular. Those that do venture in frequently get it wrong and they have to have things explained them over and over again.

The requirements to assimilate and be productive are insistent - if your game is to frustrate the system, then the system will drop you back to square one and you HAVE to begin again from scratch. This entails being required to attend language school five days a week studying ONLY the language, from 0800 to 1600, then off to the job assigned to you in the evening. Refuse to attend, show up late, keep fucking up - back to square one again. They take a long time getting used to it, but it's not going to change unless they do what's required of them.

There are NO free rides in Nordic life - none.

If you can't earn it - you can't have it.

If you don't want to assimilate, then get used to being sidelined and kept on a leash, it's their own call.

If they haven't all the boxes ticked on arrival and can identify themselves, they'll be processed faster and put into school and work. If they can't, then life isn't going to be much fun staying in hostel in shared dormitories with other immigrants. That's usually enough to shake them out of their slumber, the males in particular. But the same applies to the females - if they have lots of 'female issues' then they'll get to see a doctor who'll examine them, give an assessment, and hand them back to the system. The kids get dragged along depending on the efforts the parent(s) are willing to make. So the entire family will feel the burn if the elders are bums/parasites.

You can't claim asylum in many parts of the world, outside of Western countries, and in many countries, proof of income and no criminal record will not allow you to become a citizen, and you mist still get your Visa renewed every three months. Slip up and you get a one way ticket out of the country.

Even for me as a Caucasian Irish national, the process of applying to live in Finland was a long one and not very much fun at all. It's also expensive for even a fellow EU member state citizen, establishing a company, registering the business, insuring it, finding clients, presenting your annual accounts, no access to welfare, some emergency help maybe - but you're on your own. You have to show that you can feed and house yourself, your bank details are examined, not a single cent changes hands up here without some trail, few people ever try to dodge the system - it's simply too complex and too fast moving.

Marriage helps; that can set you up on the spot, overnight. If that's been your experience and you intend to marry and live in Finland, things can be done very quickly. But for me it was establishing my business and getting to work, then showing the administration that my work and career are both viable and liquid. If things crash as a result of events you have no control over, then of course the rules will bend to accommodate your situation.

Get caught working on the black market and you're first busted, then booted out. And you won't be getting back in anytime soon.

There are and will never be any free rides up here.

Plus, you'd better have the balls to not just survive the Finnish winter, you better learn to love it too - otherwose it'll bury you under an avalanche of perpetual misery that'll drive you mad in the end. I've seen Irish people I've helped along the way just give up after a few weeks or months. They can't take the winters at all.

Same with the culture: the Finns, like our other Nordic neighbours, have ancient traditions of their own.

If they don't appeal to you, you won't fit in, and if you don't fit in you'll be miserably unhappy with it all because it all happens in stages, by rote, and the rituals are consistent and persistent. We can predict our weather far easier than Ireland can: you have the troublesome Atlantic/Arctic effects that cause weather patterns to shift suddenly. In Finland we see it coming long before it arrives. So there's another subtle jolt to the system: in two weeks time, I'll be deep in the snow. Am I ready?

You better be, otherwise you'll suffer.

It isn't all snowball fights and building snowmen.

But some of it is, thankfully.

 

[odanny]

There is a tour of the Winter War coming up, and it is led by Bob Kershaw, the man is an amazing author, and as a WWII buff who has read hundreds of books on the Eastern Front, the invasion of Europe, and the Pacific War, Kershaw wrote one of my all time favorite books, "War Without Garlands" about the first year of the Gernan invasion of Russia, ending the story in the Spring of 1942. I'd love to go on any tour with Bob Kershaw.

WW2 Battlefield Tour to Finland | The Winter War 1939

8 Day Battlefield Tour to Finland, exploring The Winter War & the Russian defeat with Col. Bob Kershaw. We examine HelsinkiÂs military past over 8 days.

www.theculturalexperience.com

 

[Lumpy Von Talbot]

I'd say you might enjoy the Inspector Pekkala mystery series, odanny. https://www.faber.co.uk/product/9780571337958-the-inspector-pekkala-mysteries/

An unusual look from an unusual angle at Finland, Russia and Germany in the years between the Russian revolution and WWII with a very compelling central character set against momentous events and a background you'll be familiar with.

Given the area you like to study I'd say you might enjoy these books. Very well written.

 

[Mowl]

There is a tour of the Winter War coming up, and it is led by Bob Kershaw, the man is an amazing author, and as a WWII buff who has read hundreds of books on the Eastern Front, the invasion of Europe, and the Pacific War, Kershaw wrote one of my all time favorite books, "War Without Garlands" about the first year of the Gernan invasion of Russia, ending the story in the Spring of 1942. I'd love to go on any tour with Bob Kershaw.

WW2 Battlefield Tour to Finland | The Winter War 1939

8 Day Battlefield Tour to Finland, exploring The Winter War & the Russian defeat with Col. Bob Kershaw. We examine HelsinkiÂs military past over 8 days.

www.theculturalexperience.com

I like Kershaw's shows. His presentation style is down to earth and uncomplicated, even if the subject matter at hand is very complicated. And The Winter War is still foremost in the minds of all Finnish youth. It's a subject they study as part of their national conscription: if they're not out ranging the forests and left to fend for themselves for days on end, then they're study indoors learning about the various aspects and approached taken by Finland to defend herself in the Winter War.

Themes like the greased lightning of Finnish troop in winter whites whizzing across the snow cross-country style (we have few mountains) and taking out teams of Russian troops on the move from position to position. Cross-country skiing is used every day up here, even today. Last winter I found it highly amusing that the local bar on my block, Olotila, sectioned off an area by the front door for skiers to park their skis under a heat lamp so that when they set out after leaving, the skis cut easily into the snow and ice to give them a head start.

With Russian convoys of tanks the ruse was simple enough, but Finnish in style: the coordinates are sent via code/radio and the Finns know where the lines are, so they split up, half for the front end and half at the rear end. At the signal, a Finnish troop whizzes by the leading tank and drops a log into the metal tracks. It's not strong enough to break it, but it will stop the tank from moving for a short while. meanwhile down the rear end - same deal. So when the lids begin to open on the tank top, a camouflaged Finns hops up and drops a grenade in through the hatch Blam! Dead. First and last positions first, then a random attack on as many tanks as open their hatches or mini side windows. The accumulated soldiers who finally surrender are marched of into captivity. By then every tank has been completely disabled.

Deeper into the winter, the soldiers on both sides are cold and hungry. Minus forty-five averages, but often even colder. So the Finnish ladies of Lotta Svard were put to work melting down rain tracks from the west of the country. The metal was used to forge massive iron cooking units on irons wheels - skis could be added. That way, the Finnish troop are fed and warmed up as frequently as possible. Sadly the masses of Russian troops were ill-equipped and utterly starving, so the Finns used the cookers to draw them in. The lookout sees a huge cooker, and maybe five or ten soldiers standing next to it. The smell goes out, and the Russians are starving, so they surrounded the cooker and pick off the Finns, only to find they're dead Russian soldiers in Finnish winter whites. Then the whole company of Finns hiding in the snow pick the whole lot of them. It was fabled as 'The Sausage Wars' and is still a favourite winter barbecue and sauna party favourite national story.

There are a few Winter War documentaries and drama films available online, and the one by the BBC is actually really good. You can find a few that might suit your interests here:

Winter War documentaries - Google Search

 

[Mowl]

Doom for Finland - again!

Oh dear, I must don my tinfoil hat to try to protect myself from Sanna's fall-out post-NATO.

I have a hiding place all sorted out: in the sauna, where Somali's refuse point blank to go. I'll strap myself under the highest bench in the hottest sauna ever recorded, thereby killing two birds with one bucket of cold water. Poor auld Nokia - they'll have to return to making tyres and wellington boots instead of phones. Oh, wait: didn't they fold already? Damn.

 

[Lumpy Von Talbot]

I have decided. On mature reflection and after reading a considerable amount about Finns I have decided that I will not unilaterally invade Finland. That nation can stand down.

 

[David]

Some things I've noticed about groups such as the Nordics and Japanese when it comes to their homes:

▪︎They are efficient at using space, most particularly small spaces.

▪︎The furniture is creative and modern.

▪︎They pay attention to every square inch of their living spaces

etc.

People from all walks of life in Scandinavia and Japan know how to create attractive living spaces. Irish furniture / interior design by comparison is hideous, even the so-called "posh" stuff, which more often than not means tacky and kitsch "neo-Georgian" tables, sofas etc. And God forbid anybody renting an apartment who wants to create an attractive living space considering that your average Gombeen landlord dumps all of the furniture into the place which he otherwise would've thrown in the skip. Irish rentals are fucking ugly - at an inflated price.

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