This one's for our Jimmy D, James Dawson - aka: AN1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 - etc.
The girl group All Saints on their struggle to reach the top of the charts and the price of fame.
www.rte.ie
It's of course the genial Pat Kenny, a walking encyclopedia of modern music, who worked for RTE way back in the 1990's when music like this was relevant. It appears our Jimmy D has a thing not just about The Bangles (Walk Like An Egyptian) but also these sluts: 'All Saints'.
Seem Jimmy thinks that because one of the members married one of the Oasis twins, then they must be simply brillo-pads and amazeballs.
I've no idea what any of their songs are, but ask Jimmy - he's been posting them over on the kiddies site where he's trying to make some new pals.
The fact that his Ma Swordid's alive and kicking over there comes as a huge relief to Jimmy, he's not had his nappies changed in months since she's been gone.
The all-girl/non-lesbian group All Sluts on their struggle to reach anywhere near the top of the charts and the price of nearly having someone else's fame.
Founded in London, the girly group are Melanie Blatt, Shaznay Lewis, Natalie Appleton and Nicole Appleton.
One of them married Liam or Noel or possibly the older Gallagher brother, who's a bit of a convicted rapist, and in the nick.
They had a near-miss record, but I had to search to find it, mainly because I didn't know what the title was, but this appears to be it:
All Sluts: '
Never Never Ever Ever Never something derpy-derp Never-Never' - (Ever)
Lyrics:
A few questions wha' ye need to know (sic)
How she could ever hurt me so?
Me head's wrecked wir' it all: doh.
I need ta know wha' I've dunn rong
An' how long it's been goin' on
Was it that I never paid enough attenshin?
Or did I no' give enuff affexshin?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
But I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You derpy-derp derpy-doo - or even on the other shoe
You can write it durpy-plops - I have ta know de-po de-po.
Did I never derp you right?
Did I always start the slerp?
I've a pain in me fanny here.
Either way, I'm going out of me do-wacky derpy
All the answers to me questions I have to slerpy-slurp
Me head's spinnin' and me hole's itchy
Boy, I'm in a daze, I feel isolay-red
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scour, I will rub it into it's skin
To find me peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, y'kno'
Flexin' vocabulary runs righ' through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in me mind
You got me conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy just pissed
I'm sure I ain't done, nothing wrong, no bleedin' way
I'm just waitin'
'Cause I heard that this thievin' won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so slow
When you gonna scratch me black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt up a lad
The way I'm feeling, yeah, you got me pissin' really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find me own piece of mind
I've never ever had me con-shins ta' fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just feel like havin' a shite
Never ever have I ever felt so bloated
When you gonna lick me filthy scummy black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so rad
The way I'm feeling, yeah, you got me feeling pissed off
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find me own piss of mind
I've never ever had me conscience to shite
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel anything much - is it in?
I'll keep searching
Deep within my back pockets
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more dogs or cats
I need peace, gotta eat some peas
Need a few bob
Ta free me from me pain, goin' mental - going insane
Me heart aches, yeah, whatever..
Sometimes me entire vocabulary runs through me head
The alphabet runs right from A to W or X or somethin'
Conversations, hesitations in my handbag
You got me conscience asking questions that I can't find me tishews or tampons
I'm not lazy
I'm sure 'm just not inta ye..
And now I'm just waiting for me dole
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't something of other
Never ever have I ever felt like a solo
When you gonna stick it up my big black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so glad
The way I'm feeling, yeah, you got me feeling really indifferent
Never ever have I had to find where the bus stop is
I've had to dig me dog up and feed it ta me cat
I've never ever had my fanny so untight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just wanna have a shite
Never ever never ever never never ever never ever ever
When you gonna gerrou' o'me big slimy black hole?
Never ever have I ever never ever nev-nev ever never ever never
The way be-dooby-doo be dooby-dooby-dooby derp
Never ever have I had to find a job
I've had to dig Jambo in the chops
I've never ever had my knicker elastic to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just can't manage ta shite
Never ever have I had no toilet paper
When you gonna something-something-thing black hole?
Never ever have I ever never ever nev,
The way I'm feeling yeahit's never dever rever dev
Never ever have I had to dev
derp-deep, dooby-doop, derpy-doo
I've never ever had me tits washed
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I'm feelin' kinda squashed
Never ever derpy-do-dah-doopy-derp
When you gonna gonna gonna gonna black hole?
Never ever herpy-derpy-derpy-derpy-herps
The way I'm feeling, yeah, you got me pukin' me ring up
Never ever have I had to derpy-derp dooby-derp
I've had to linga-longa-lingy-lou of mindy-mind
I've never ever had me armpits shaved
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just feel stubbly
You can slap me on me face
You can call me on a pay phone
Ooh, you can write it in a derpy-derp, babe
'Cause I really need to blow
You can tell me to me arse
You can fuck right off with yourself
Ooh, you can write it in a derpy-doop, babe
'Cause I really need to blow
You can write it in a derpy, babe
You can derp it in a doopy-doo, babe..